We are finally through all of the fiery hoops of approval to be adoptive parents (APs) to C. And now we are waiting on pins for the travel call. Because of my generous and sometimes unorthodox (in a good way) employer, it looks like we will all being going to S. Korea to go get C. We couldn’t have afforded to do this kind of travel ourselves, so I am very grateful. Only my husband was going to go – and though that was a stretch too (this whole thing was, actually), it was important to us that one of us go (travel is not required to adopt from S. Korea).
I am thrilled about this opportunity for our family (all 4 of us) and at the same time, terrified of the flight out with a 4-year-old (M, my eldest). I am nervous about the flight back too but think that M and C (almost 1) will be busy with each other then…*I hope*
I have so many conflicting feelings.
I have mixed feelings about how I had to get training, approval, and back-ground checks to adopt, yet had to meet no requirements to grow a child in my body. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a good thing that potential APs have to go through this, and I wouldn’t want to live in a country where I had to get training and approval to have a biological child. Still, I can’t help these admittedly conflicted feelings.
I am overjoyed and honored to be allowed to adopt C, yet grieve for his birth-mother, his foster mother, and him – that he should start his tiny life with all this loss. And of course, same as when M came into my life, I feel both incredibly LUCKY to be a mother and terrified that I am going to really screw up this whole mother gig!
I have had less push-back for adopting internationally than I had feared. It was the right choice for our family, and it seems that most people understand this. Adoption is complicated and every family has to come together and do what’s right for them.
So, so…adoption is complicated. It seems silly and naive now, but I am not sure I really understood this before now. On a less intense note, M and I are trying to learn to speak Korean. Most logical alphabet ever – it is a recent creation, this alphabet, and definitely eases the learning. We are using “Yes, You Can Speak Korean.” It’s directed at kids, but really is wonderful for both of us – my 4-year old, M, and his 44 year old Mommy. And I am enjoying M’s Korenglish too – Umma, can I have a sagwa?” (though I do hope we get to the point we can actually speak Korean). I was afraid that I couldn’t learn a non-Latin, non-Germanic, language, but I’m doing OK with it.
I have added two adoption related links on my list to the left – one is the agency we are using; one is for waiting kids in the U.S. foster system. Although most of the waiting kids have some special needs, this is absolutely NOT true for all kids in the system. Domestic private adoption is an option too for some families, but other than in-family adoption, I don’t know much about this, so I don’t have any links. I didn’t meet the requirements for most of the private agencies in our state, so I didn’t look deeper after learning that. You can track back to some information on that (I think) through the “waiting children” link.
If you are considering adoption, there is so much to think about. What are your thoughts? (Please be polite, but don’t be shy).