C is here…

..and is asleep for the moment. He is grieving something fierce, and only wants Mr. Coffee to hold him. I will admit, I didn’t think it would be this hard. I knew what a new born was like and was a 10 month old was like – and 10 month old was easier – but I had never been around a GRIEVING 10 month old. C has no way of understanding that he wasn’t going to stay with his foster mother forever, or that we ARE a forever family…

This hurts.

M is doing great. Especially considering his new little brother pretty much only cries, screams, eats, and sleeps.

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15 thoughts on “C is here…

  1. Deborah

    Welcome to C! I’m sorry that he is grieving so fiercely, and I hope he settles in soon and realizes that you are his fabulous forever family.

  2. Tracy

    Oh, I am so sorry! I wish I could help somehow. He is lucky that you are so understanding of his situation. This has to be so hard on all of you.

    Have you been able to find anything that will distract him? Will he let M distract him at all?

    I looked around and found some links that might be helpful/supportive to you about grieving babies:

    http://www.unicef.org/southafrica/SAF_resouces_parental.pdf
    ***(See page 207, especially p 209 has tips for how to help baby)***

    http://africa-adoption.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/supporting-your-infant-s-grief#comments

    *** love and super big hugs ***

  3. chowchow22

    My brother was like that. He had adored his fosterdad and had a terrible time. My folks did not leave him with anybody for a long time or allow anyone else to hold him. (social worker had recommended that)
    He was about 7-8 months old.

    1. Welcome Chowchow22!

      Would you mind sharing how long the initial grieving lasted? How long/often did it relapse? And how long it was that no one but your mother and father held him?

      No one else in our (training) group of adoptive parents seems to be having this experience. Thank you.

  4. Charlie

    Welcome (and welcome back!)

    Very glad that everyone is home safe and sound! I’m sure that once C has a little time to adjust, all will be well… ’til then, continue to comfort an’ hug. πŸ™‚

  5. {{{{hugs}}}}

    I know that our friends were told that no one but Mom and Dad should hold their little girl for the first couple of months after she came home. Due to other circumstances, we didn’t get to see her until she’d been here for four months (at her first birthday party). She was VERY attached to her mom and now, almost two, is supremely confident with everyone.

    Honestly, she cracks me up with the level of confidence she has. Her grandparents were dropping her off at our house after my daughter’s baptism. Her grandmother was explaining as we all walked to the front door that she’s sometimes shy in new places, yet she walked into our house like she owned the place and headed straight for where she knew we kept the toys.

    Dogs barking, craziness abounded, tons of people here, and she was as serene as can be. It will get better, just be patient and do what you do well: love him.

  6. rjjs8878

    I’m so happy C is finally here with you. You are a great parents. I’m sure C will soon realize he is in good hands.

  7. Denise

    I know you’ve heard this from everyone that loves you but I’m going to say it again, I wish there was some way I could help. That said, I know that I can lend and ear if you need one or a shoulder if you want one. I’ll try to come out there before I go off to school when you think it is the appropriate time and NOT before. I want to see C but I also want him to feel comfortable with the wonderful parents and big brother that he has now! I have the confidence that things will get better very soon and he will become comfortable with you and M as much as he is with Mr. Coffee. How could the little guy not feel all the love that’s being showered upon him??? Just remember how much I love you and how very proud I am of YOU too.

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