I don’t have many peeves. I really don’t.
I don’t care if you wear brown and black together. Heck, I do that too. Even Oprah does that. I don’t care if you talk with your mouth full, as long as I don’t have to look at it it. My table manners are hardly going to make the Etiquette Channel either. I don’t care if your cats pee in my yard. Seriously, it might improve things. Have you seen my yard?
But I do have one very specific peeve. Yes, I do. Do you want to know what it is? Well, do you?
I’ll tell you then – it’s the repeated misuse of “your” and “you’re”. It makes my teeth itch, my eyes water, and my stomach feel all rumbly. If there’s one thing I can’t stomach, it’s a “your” where a “you’re” ought to be. So for the first and last time, I’ll break it down for you:
“You’re” is a contraction of “you are.” And “your” is not.
Look, I realize there are bigger fish to fry. I really do. There’s pollution. There’s predjudice. There’s big dogs and little dogs playing together in public dog parks. But I am not talking about the occasional typo here. I am not even talking about starting a sentence with a conjunction to make a point. I am talking about a plot for the mis-use of your to take over the english language. And possibly the planet! Maybe the whole universe! It must be stopped!
So, let’s practice, shall we?
“Is that your sweater?”
“Yes, it’s my freakin’ sweater, why else would I be wearing it? You’re going to drive me crazy!”
See? Easy! Now, you try it!
And that’s all I have to say about that. Unless you are writing “then” when you should be writing “than” Because then, we are going to have a serious talk.